Conversations with the self – II

I’m reading How to be a Bawse by Lilly Singh. Lilly isn’t one of my favourite YouTubers, but I’ve always admired her spunk, and commitment to her brand. She talks of hard work and discipline taking guiding her journey to the top. A line in the book particularly stuck out to me. She says something to the effect of, “If I hated Superwoman and everything it entails I would never have been able to work the way I do for it.” Miss Style Fiesta, one of India’s top fashion bloggers, was working on her honeymoon. There are so many examples of people who are the best in their field exhibiting a kind of work ethic I have always admired.

Everytime I have attempted to adapt this quality into my own life, however, I have failed miserably. Its impossible almost, to build up self discipline. To commit – heart and soul and everything else – to a task, to a goal. Why is it so hard? I guess I don’t have anything larger than myself to look out for. I feel alive on and off, like when I was writing research papers in college, but not like this. Not consistently.

I want to build my life, and leave a legacy, and I don’t mean this in a fluffy, instagram quote worthy way. But I want to wake up in the morning with a purpose, with a commitment to myself, with the desire to give my 200% to a task, and sleep at might satisfied. As a woman who couldn’t stay in a boring conference but was too guilty to leave, but left anyway, I cant really say I’m off to a great stay to achieving this goal. What makes my heart come alive? I’m looking for an answer.

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