Thoughts and pleas when crying

Its like every irrational fear, every shred of self-doubt, every negative thought and feeling has come alive. My peace with myself and the world has gone for a toss. Its a desperate plea for help that is building up inside of me, but no one can hear it. I’m trying to silence myself. I don’t want to be seen as attention seeking. Then why do I engage in attention seeking behaviors? I try so hard, but sometimes, inevitably it just comes out. What do I do? I think S will hate me. I need her to comfort me right now. I need her to tell me I am like her litter sister again. Like she used to.

A fucking wave of anxiety has washed over me. I need help. What do I do??!!!! I hope I don’t ruin everything. I hope my world doesn’t come to pieces. I hope I don’t lose out on relations that are precious or at least important to me. Why the fuck am I so desperate? Why do I magnify my mistakes. Why am I being so incoherent? Its okay, thats my thought process. Please let me find peace.

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